Yes yes, I know we always preach about being limitless, but hear me out so you can understand the context of what I mean by “limits”.
Too many of us, especially in the dating world, look at others that they perceive to be better looking, more educated, taller, or whatever, and think because they themselves lack those certain traits, that they operate at a disadvantage. For example, if your version of a 10 out of 10 person is a 6’ 2” tall, handsome neurosurgeon, and yet you are shorter, chubbier, and less educated, you will perceive yourself to be less than a perfect 10 and feel inferior. Similarly, by deifying certain characteristics that you specifically cannot or will never possess, you will walk around always feeling less, putting yourself at a disadvantage, and ultimately you will exude these feelings, thereby amplifying your low self-esteem and lack of confidence. It becomes a downward spiral because you are what you think you are, and people look at you the same way you look at yourself. If you think less of yourself then others will think less of you.
The best example I hear is when guys describe a girl as being flawless, the epitome of perfection and that she’s a perfect ten so will only date a guy that’s a ten as well. They then cry me a river about how a girl like that wouldn’t date them, despite the fact that the guy themself has three university degrees from top schools, is super-intelligent, comes from a good home and has a great personality. They fail to see that the real catch is staring at them in the mirror.
I’m here to tell you that you can be a ten, no matter what you currently think of yourself. And the way to do this is to take what you are and make it the best of what you are. Stop dwelling on what you don’t have and what other people have.
Here is how to elevate yourself to being a perfect ten and attract the person you want, the job you want, and the life you want.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE PURSUIT OF PERFECTION
1. Work with and improve what you got.
Face:
When I say make yourself your own perfect ten then that’s exactly what I mean. Let’s say that you think your appearance is ugly. Don’t accept that as your narrative. Do something about it and make what you have as good as it possibly can, so even if you perceive yourself to be less attractive than others, and in your own mind a 5 out of 10 (I’m only using this 10 scale for narrative purposes btw), make yourself the best 5 imaginable.
If you don’t like your appearance do something about it. Now don’t get ahead of me – I’m not suggesting to go out and get plastic surgery, fill your lips with fat so you look like a duck, and get so much botox that your eyebrows blink every time you open and close your eyes. What I am saying is work with what you have. There are many things you can do. Get a hairstyle that flatters your face. Groom yourself. Pluck those hairs from your ears as well as the ones sticking out of your nose. Shave – and yes that goes for you girls and guys! If you have blemishes like acne, there are lots of options to treat your pimples and clear up your face. The point is – take care of your face as it’s the first thing people look at!
And yes a quick note about surgery – if you think there is something very out line with your appearance and it is a medical condition you can fix with a minor surgery and improve your quality of life then go ahead and do it. If your teeth are crooked and you are self-conscious of your smile, then fortunately these days there are economical options like Invisalign as well as smile direct club to straighten your teeth. Just don’t make this about making you look like someone you’re not.
Body:
So you’re overweight. That is usually the biggest gripe from people. They think they’re fat and therefore unattractive, even if they do have an attractive face. On one hand if there’s nothing you can do about it due to medical reasons, then focus on wearing it well by wearing the right clothes that flatter your body-type. On the other hand, do something about it! Get a gym membership and force yourself to go. Lose that weight and you’ll find your self-confidence will gradually increase with your body’s appearance. I know for many of us, going to the gym, or getting into a regular exercise routine is tough, especially if ...